The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done by Clare Stephens

On a random Tuesday, online writer Ruby Williams becomes the internet’s main character. A routine interview Ruby posted online has sparked outrage and her name begins trending for all the wrong reasons. Within hours she’s the target of a public shaming, watching on in horror as her reputation is torn apart. 

At first, Ruby thinks she can fix the situation by just explaining herself better. But she soon realises she’ll never be able to reason with the strangers who have turned her into content. The pile-on feeds an outage, and the trolls circling aren’t looking for clarity. They want a spectacle. As the trolling escalates she’s forced to confront the gap between accountability and a digital witch-hunt.

Ruby feels like someone you might know. She’s not perfect, but not awful. She’s a good person worn down by watching every word that appears about her online. You can feel Ruby being cancelled in real time as she doom-scrolls. Meanwhile, the experience opens a visceral, personal shame from her past that she’s refused to deal with. Because the worst thing Ruby’s ever done is not defined by this interview, but by a single, chilling scream.

“During my time as editor-in-chief, I would sometimes watch as a junior writer or another colleague was called out online in quite a vicious way. I'd always look at those adding to the pile-on and think: you know nothing about the person you're attacking - whether they're having an awful time at home, whether they're grieving, whether there's a whole lot of behind-the-scenes context that would explain something you've automatically deemed as malicious. I wanted to play with the idea that online we're all two-dimensional avatars, and so we don't think we can truly hurt each other. We don't see each other as real. But when you're being publicly shamed, the darkest thought you have is: what if I deserve it? What if they're right? What if I am, actually, a bad person? And we've all done things we're not proud of. We're all morally imperfect. So I wanted to explore that tension,” says author Clare Stephens. 

Clare writes with skilful empathy, holding a mirror to online persons versus actual life. She expertly explores what matters most in a noise-ridden world competing for our attention. Her tone is spot on and the pace is perfect with short chapters. Given her career history, it’s no surprise she’s sharply intelligent, reflecting influencer-speak and activist rhetoric.  

“I wondered throughout the writing process whether the phenomenon I was describing might pass by the time the book was published, but it seems like the temperature of online outrage is continuing to increase. The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done is about an internet pile-on and public shaming, and there were many, many moments that sparked the idea. As editor-in-chief of a women's media company, I was very attuned to any controversy in the news, and I noticed how women in particular were torn apart for relatively minor transgressions. Then I had very small instances of my own where I made a mistake or shared a clumsy opinion, and I couldn't believe how scary, isolating and intense the backlash felt. I wanted to evoke that sensation in a reader. That's where the idea for the story began!” 

“I wanted to build this fictional character and fictional world so that readers could live inside the perspective of the person at the centre of the shaming, and see how familiar and cruel it feels,” she says.

The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done is a gripping debut, highly topical, sharply observed and highly recommended. I can’t wait to read Clare’s next novel!

Clare Stephens is a Sydney-based podcaster, screenwriter, editor and digital content creator. She's the former editor-in-chief at Mamamia and has produced some of the site's most viral content.

Reviewer: Andrea Molloy

Allen & Unwin