Built for This by Brad Poulter

Built for This: A memoir of masculinity, military service and pride stays with you long after you turn the last page. This, plus the engaging writing make it one of the best memoirs I’ve ever read! It’s honest, sharp, frequently funny and at times quietly devastating.

Brad Poulter traces his nearly two decades in the Royal New Zealand Navy, beginning with a 1990s small-town upbringing. He was raised among strong women and knew he was ‘different’ long before he had the words for it. Then, being different wasn’t something you named out loud, it was something you managed.

“I was handed a version of masculinity built on toughness, silence and a straight face. It taught me to keep moving, keep quiet, and pretend nothing hurt. It took years to strip that back and learn that real strength isn’t in the mask but in taking it off,” he says.

When Brad joins the Navy, it’s easy to see why it appeals. The uniform offers belonging and the structure offers certainty. For someone trying to keep parts of himself hidden, silence can feel like safety. But Built for This never lets you forget what that silence costs. 

As Brad’s career progresses, with demanding roles, leadership environments and deployments including Afghanistan, he shares the true impact of passing as straight. The performance of being ‘acceptable’ starts to collide with trauma, grief and the exhausting work of pretending.

“When I first joined the Navy, there were no Rainbow flags. No Pride parades. No senior leaders out in uniform. No conversations about consent, trauma or mental health. No space to say you were struggling. No words for what I was carrying.”

One of the most compelling threads in the book is how Poulter’s personal journey mirrors the Navy’s wider shift from a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ culture to becoming recognised as one of the most inclusive defence forces in the world. That parallel gives the memoir extra depth: it’s not just a story of one person changing, but a close-up view of how organisations evolve; slowly, imperfectly and because real people push for something better. The memoir captures what visibility can change inside an institution. Brad and his partner Rick were the first couple to come out in the Navy and unintentionally became part of LGBT+ history in Aotearoa.

“We didn’t set out to make a statement. We were just two guys trying to live honestly in a system that didn’t quite know what to do with that. But by showing up, by not hiding, we cracked something open. I hope that one day people will look back on and think: Of course. Just like women voting… Things that once felt radical, but now feel obvious. Necessary.”

What I appreciated most is Brad’s authentic voice. He’s candid and the humour lands well. He writes with empathy for others and a clear-eyed honesty about himself, including the messy, painful parts of learning who you are when you’ve spent years trying not to be seen.

“This is my story, told the way I remember it. It’s about masculinity; how it’s shaped, tested and sometimes redefined,” says Brad. “There’s some heavy stuff in here: trauma, mental health, sexuality, loss. I’m not writing it for pity, or for shock. It’s just life, as it was.”

Built for This is a New Zealand story, grounded in place, culture and service, while still feeling universal in its questions about belonging, courage and the cost of living in half-truths.

“Being built for this doesn’t mean you’re unbreakable. It means that when life cracks you open, you find ways to keep going. To rebuild. To stand by who you are.”

“If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong, like you weren’t built for this, maybe this will remind you that you actually are.”

Reviewer: Andrea Molloy

Allen & Unwin