How to Control the Annoying Adults in Your Life: Tips from Roald Dahl
Roald Dahl understands kids. He know what they want to read about, what they don’t like, and what their problems are. And a lot of the time, their problems are their parents or caregivers who just won’t. Let. Them. Be.
No one can summarily dismiss the adults in a story like Roald Dahl can. Persistent, irritating adult humans are flicked off like so many unwanted bits of flint. That way the young protagonists can get on with the real stuff: breaking free, going on adventures, and controlling their own lives.
And I may be well into my twenties, but I’m a child at heart. Or maybe just childish. Whichever is true, there are certainly meddlesome adults in my life. And I bet there are meddlesome adults in your life, too. To get rid of them, just take a page out of a Roald Dahl book.
Are they emotionally manipulative, with a cruel streak a mile wide? Turn the tables like Matilda. Prey on their guilt: Dig into their sordid past, and reveal the very thing that would turn their life upside down, and give them the comeuppance they deserve.
Do they constantly barrage you with annoying questions and demand your attention 24/7? Come up with explosive, out-of-this-world concoctions to blast them out of your life forever.
Are they using you for free labour, with nary a kind word to say to you? Bulldoze them with gigantic fruit. If you can’t find gigantic fruit, improvise with many, average-sized fruit.
Are they cruel to animals? Use that magical power at your fingertips. Give them a taste of their own medicine by turning them into the very animals they are cruel to.
Are they a greedy, capitalistic, money-grabbing machine? Undermine their wealth by poaching plump pheasants off their estate.
Have you picked up some Dahlian pearls of wisdom that we haven’t included? Let us know in the comments.